Snakes on a Plane
OK. Some of you out there just don’t get why this movie has been so anticipated and why we are all so excited. Some more of you saw it and still don’t get it. The thing is, if you get it, you get it, and this movie is exactly what we all hoped it would be. If you don’t get it, if you’re lactose intolerant with movies, nothing I say here will convince you that Snakes on a Plane is the HOOT of the year. Anyway, if you are remotely interested in this $^&*$% movie then you have already seen it and are just reading this to see if I say anything brilliant.
Here it is, paraphrased from a friend CW (I changed his grades to reflect my opinions):
Story: D+
Acting: D
Direction: D-
Visuals: C-
Overall: A+
After an overly wasteful opening sequence, during which the audience is like, where’s the damn plane already?, Samuel L. Jackson plays some kind of agent escorting some kind of federal witness to some kind of trial on some kind of enormous plane. The defendant at said trial (it’s not quite yet a trial, but details are unimportant) wishes witness to be dead. Naturally, instead of taking the 2,000 more conventional routes to offing this hapless passerby, this villain decides to load up the cargo bay of the plane with 1. Dozens upon dozens of exotic and extremely venomous snakes (and not, as biology would have you recognize, milk snakes, indigo snakes, king snakes, and rubber snakes), 2. Leis poisoned with snake pheromones (which, instead of making the snakes randy, makes them comical and homicidal maniacs), and 3. An elaborate release mechanism that was undetected by customs. Don’t forget the hopelessly geeky and surprisingly poorly researched herpetologist! Result: sheer cinematic rapture.
Do the snakes kill people in ridiculous, no-you-didn’t! ways? Oh yes they do. Do the filmmakers manage to sandwich in some gratuitous nudity? Of course they do! Does Samuel L. Jackson holler the profanity most associated with him (an accusation of maternal incest)? Hell yeah he does. Did I get what I wanted from this movie, even with the heightened expectations and web buzz? I certainly did. My father, who normally would never have considered even sitting through 30 minutes of this horribly scripted schlock on cable TV, gamely had a blast in the theatre with me. Yeah, it’s bad, but it’s the epitome of So Bad It’s Good, in that it is completely unapologetic. The title says it all, and if you wanted Brecht, go see Brecht. I wanted snakes on a plane, and I got them in spades (and in toilets, barf bags, purses, shirts, you name it). At the end (I won’t tell you more) you have the same physical sensation of getting off a real-life thrill ride: Oh, it’s over? The pacing and build and climax and denouement are identical. Long line at the beginning, action packed middle, and tada! Please stop by the gift shop on your way out.
Cobra Starship made my summer with their infectious and joyful song and video for Snakes on a Plane (Bring It), featured in the credits, and available on the enhanced soundtrack CD. If you like action for action’s sake and have a sense of humor about this genre of film, don’t miss Snakes on a Plane. It’s exactly what it promises.
MPAA Rating R-language, sexuality, drug use, intense terror/violence
Release date 8/18/06
Time in minutes 105
Director David Richard Ellis
Studio New Line Cinema
