Where to begin? I am so sorry I saw this film, but even more, I am irritated that they squandered such a cool idea for a movie. Basically, Vikings come to the New World, slaughter a slew of Native Canadians, for reasons unclear. A Viking lad (called, apparently, Ghost) gets left behind […]

See what I do for you people? I suffer, so that you might live. Ever catch a family member sniffing your underwear? I haven’t either, but I suspect it feels something like how I felt leaving the theatre. Filthy, inappropriate, violated, and over all, uncomprehending of the appeal. It’s not […]

My friend was not hired to work on this film so I was feeling negative about it - but now I am grateful he is saved from the besmirchment and humiliation (not to mention actually having to handle the stuff!) I really enjoyed the first Spy Kids, and to a degree the second one, […]

Based on the video game series, Ballistic appears to have been intended for the raging youth demographic. Casting Antonio Banderas and Lucy Liu was, theoretically, to draw in the regular people. Banderas is Ecks and Liu is Sever (this takes 40 minutes for the movie to “explain”) and they do go ballistic, so […]

Predictably, I hated this movie. No one who knows my tastes would be surprised by this statement, except for the fact that I saw it at all. However, what I found most irksome was not the inherent 60-70% unwatchability of the film, but the other 30-40% that was actually funny. Beyoncé Knowles […]

While it may seem petty, in light of this week’s events, to decry this movie as an abomination, well, that is what it felt like sitting in the theatre. The Musketeer starts out in an average enough fashion, with slightly wooden dialogue, Tim Roth over acting, super tight shots of abrupt movements. Then, […]

Of course I knew this movie would not please me. I knew it the first time I saw the preview. I got a screener in the mail, I was home sick, what could I do? But I had no idea I would be so pissed at how unacceptable this movie is as […]

Stinkaroo! A long-anticipated film (due to the enormous popularity of the 1970’s novel by famed Thetan L. Ron Hubbard), Battlefield Earth is a disappointing mishmash of crap, silliness, unintentional hilarity, and - for goodness’ sake - embarrassing performances. Barry Pepper, a man genetically designed to play an urban cop kind of character, […]

This is a terrible, horrible film, a big-budget student film with stupidity and insipidity written all over it. AOL Keyword: Suck. Imagine Ice-T, suspended by his ankles and sliding along a cable suspended from the ceiling, in the line of fire, spinning and shooting his guns. This was supposed to be […]

What? Are you surprised? Surprised I even went to go see it? OK, here’s the deal. We wanted to see another movie to lighten the air after The Green Mile (which is very good but obviously intoxicated us), so we chose this instead of Toy Story 2 (which is fantastic). […]