Underworld: Evolution
OK. There are movies about vampires, and there are movies about werewolves, and occasionally, both (even with Stooges) but what strikes me here is that the Underworld movies want desperately to be about both, but somehow end up being about familial squabbles and centuries-old politics. If you’re reading this review with any intent (besides to look at a vinyl-clad Kate Beckinsale) to see this movie, I know you have watched some Star Trek in your day; didn’t it annoy you when the various latter-day Treks would go off on some political tangent with the Romulans and Vulcans, and you’re basically like, “you come from the same stock and you freaking look the same, get over yourselves?” Well, vampires and werewolves are more different than each other than that, but what should be incredibly cool and sexy about them is reduced to a laundry list of their physical limitations and how we should all just get along.
I did have to rent the first Underworld (hence no review) before seeing this, and this sequel is vastly superior to the first narratively, but it’s trying to be two movies at once. It’s trying to be more epic, portraying the centuries-old conflict between werewolf (lycan, as in thrope) and vampire as a snowballing allegory for something happening right now in the mortal world. It’s also trying to be more intimate, getting to know our new hybrid and reconcile Beckinsale’s past and get some anatomically hilarious sex fit in there too. One thing I learned: vampires do it in the belly-button, apparently! So we’ve got it all - history, conflict, revenge, understanding, forgiveness, evolution, fear of change, social strata, biological tidbits, and groovy patients zero now with more body parts! As a result, it’s a bloody mess, but still and enjoyable one. It could have been smarter, it could have been sexier, but it’s at least still the exact amount of fun you would expect from a movie of this type. Plus the young leads are preternaturally good looking so you always have that to fall back on.
One thing that this movie does do is slip in some handy flashbacks that more than adequately replace the only semi-satisfactory experience of the first film, and give you all you need to enjoy this one. It also bothers to define lycan (which, when spoken to someone who does not know the word lycanthrope, sounds confusingly like lichen - now that would be a boring movie!) sooner than 53 minutes in, unlike its predecessor. Fortunately, I have cracked a book in my lifetime so that was not a problem - but I can see Joe President of the Kate Beckinsale Is Sexy Club not necessarily having the Greek roots in mind. (Since we’re on the subject, what did the Lycans call themselves in the roughly 600-700 years prior to lycanthrope being an appellation for werewolf specifically?) But I quibble. Underworld has some fun action sequences, a little allegiance shuffle, and a lot less of that Jason Patric-wannabe who played Shane Brolly. I suspect with the proper motivation, this movie would turn out to be an excellent drinking game.
MPAA Rating R-strong violence and gore, sexuality nudity language
Release date 1/20/06
Time in minutes 106
Director Len Wiseman
Studio Screen Gems
